Monday, March 23, 2009

The Heaviness of Silence

It's 3:15 in the morning and I'm having trouble sleeping.

It's a combination of Whoopsie kicking, Hubster snoring, mind racing over things that we need to be doing and not doing, all compounded by the fact that The Princess can't seem to find sleep either.

It's ironic really that I'm suffering from insomnia tonight. It was just a day or two ago that I had a conversation with a friend about the "conundrum" of lying awake at night. There is no doubt that you are exhausted but for some reason, when the world is calm and you can barely make out the outline of your window with the moon shadows, your mind takes to wandering.

Should we have done this? Why haven't I thought of that? Where shall I plant those flowers? Why are the kids having to deal with this? Or that? What do they think of us? How will I get that done tomorrow? Does it matter? Why do I care? Where is my sleep? Was that the bell for half past already?

When I lived with my parents, I used to get out of bed and take a steaming hot bath. Soaking and stewing in the wee hours of the morning. Inevitably, my mom would knock on the door and ask me if I was ok. I always answered yes, but was that really true?

Ask me now. Are you ok?

The answer is, as always, "yes" I suppose, but I feel too much upon me this night. Sleep has gone wandering with the moon and I wait and wish that I could be hiding in my dreams, blissfully unaware of the slow turning of the earth.

9 comments:

kissmekaty said...

Curiosity sucks! In the dark, our mind tries to figure out what we cannot see and what we do not know. Ah, but in the daylight, whenever everything is clear, the wonderment of napping!! xoxoxox

Stephanie said...

Sorry you lost sleep too. Maybe we'll both have a better night tonight.

Sue said...

I find myself waking up every hour on the hour lately. Going back to sleep requires the yoga method...breathe in, breathe out. Clear the mind and just breathe...

Kelly said...

There must be something in the air or universe. I had trouble sleeping too. Everything seems so monumental at night, doesn't it? And then when you get up, it's like, why was I worrying about that?

Kitty said...

When I had insomnia earlier in life I used to try to relax different parts of my body - toes, feet,legs, etc. I figured even if I wasn't asleep I was resting. Now I try to play a golf course in my mind! I play better there.

Diane said...

I know worry about all the things I can't fix during the day at night when I am supposed to be sleeping. Totally stupid!!! From here on in I am trying Mom's latest!! Or maybe walk my dog on the best trail in the world in my mind.

RHB said...

maybe you should take your sessions with the sage femme- relaxation sessions. I found these highly therapeutic and relaxing- and they were free!

hubster dave said...

maybe you should try demolishing a building during the day... tends to help with sleeping at night ... ;-)

Diane said...

I am going to laugh all day with Dave's insomnia cure in mind!!