Friday, May 28, 2010

I Miss Her

I'm sick today. Some sort of crud that's giving me the chills, a bum tummy, and a headache that no amount of Advil will get rid off. I've spent the early morning hours praying for 9 o'clock to arrive so I could get the tribe to school and Rosie down for a nap so I could do the same.

As I lay curled up under the duvet, I started playing hopscotch with my memories. Memories of a day at the beach in the 80s, graduation from college, shopping for something to wear to a high school mixer, and various and sundry moments of my aunt, Mary Pat, who died 25 years ago today.

The funny thing is, as much as I am thinking about my aunt being gone for so long now, I'm reminded that my constant in all these memories is my mother. She shares this date with Mary Pat because in the whole wackiness of life and it's cruel jokes, it's also her birthday. And my mom, bless her, has been here for the last 25 years and for that I am eternally grateful.

I can wonder and dream about what Mary Pat's life could have been like had she had the chance to live longer than she did, but today I'm focusing on the fact that I know what my mom's life has been and is. One of love, one of respect, one of letting her children and her children's children live their lives as best as they can. She's taught me over these last 25 years how to learn to let other people just be, how not to take myself too seriously and most importantly, how to accept things as they are.

I know she doesn't like sharing this day with Mary Pat at all. I know that if my mom had her choice, she would have given all the stars in the sky to have had Mary Pat with her for these last 25 years. Her love for her sister is constant. Just as mine is for her.

I miss my aunt but I miss my mother more. Especially on days when I just want her to come lay me down on the couch, put a Coke next to me, and help me rest. I am so damn lucky for all the simple things she's done for me. How glad am I that she's still here, even though she thousands of miles away.

It's Kitty's birthday today. I hope she knows just how thankful I am that she's graced this world with her presence.

I'm proud of you and I love you to the moon and back.


Diane said...

Ditto all the way around. It's so good Karen can write so well and sumit all up for all of us! Love you Mom. Miss you MP.

Kelly said...

Okay, tearing up here at school. "Mrs. Steinhauer, why are you crying?"

What a sweet tribute to your mom and aunt. A bittersweet day for sure, made sweeter by good memories.


hubster dave said...

happy birthday kitty!
good post dig.