Good Thing the Appointment is in May

Hubster and I are taking the tribe to the States this summer which fills me with more joy that I can actually describe. The thought of a shopping trip to Target, running shoes from the magic running store, and steamed crabs just has me all a twitter. The only downside to all this is that I have to sit for 7 hours in a small confined space with my four children. Amen for free cocktails on Air France.

In order to enjoy that lovely flight, I need to make sure all the little one's passports are ready to roll. Mini-Husband and The Princess both have expired U.S. passports and we still haven't gotten around to getting one for Rosie yet. Bubba-Love's is ok, but I think we may need to renew it next year. The mind numbing process of doing all this with the American Consulate just makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and beg Typhon to sing "Hallelujah" over and over again until my head explodes.

Getting the British passports involved filling out papers, attaching a photo that someone swears looks just like the person in question, and sending it off with a few documents to prove that Hubster and I really are married and that he's really British. Et voila, a couple of weeks later, the kids had their British passports.

To get the American passport, it's as if I need to give up my kidney and then donate 14 pints of blood. Even better is that things have changed in the last couple of years with the American requirements so we are now also required to sell them our oldest son. Not a bad deal this week, all things considered.

We've made the appointment for the beginning of May and for that appointment we will need the following:

*All previous passports, current and expired for the whole family
*Documents proving that Hubster and I are married
*New passport request forms
*Photos of each child for the new passports
*Photos of each child from each year they've been alive to prove that this is actually what they look like now.
*Birth certificates from birth country and U.S. Consular Reports of Birth Abroad for the big kids.
*Transcripts from every school I ever attended in the U.S. to prove that I actually was physically present in the United States for over 20 years.
*An envelope to send all this back to us with the new passports.
*An American credit card for payment because "we don't want no stinkin' Euros."

I'm not kidding. Transcripts from EVERY SCHOOL I ever attended. (Thank God Sarah Palin isn't having to do this, eh?)

I asked the nice woman at the consulate if she needed my American birth certificate as well.

"No, that won't be necessary. That document only proves that you were in the U.S. for one day."

And what a day that was, right Kitty? Who knew that when I splashed amniotic fluid all over the doctor's shoes that one day I would be having to create a paper trail just so my little half breeds can come back and see my blessed America for themselves.

Alas, I am what I am. How I wonder what they will be.