Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Bébé Vision

Yesterday, Rosie and I had her appointment for bébé vision. This is a routine eye test that is offered to babies in France during their 9th month. Which I find hilarious. How can a child who can barely say,"goo" tell you what those letters are at the bottom of that eye chart?

The exam started by Rosie and I heading into a little room where a very nice young lady tried to get Rosie to look at a grey card with swirls all over it. Which she did. After looking at me like this was nuts. The nice young lady then wanted to get Rosie to grab a couple of pencils with tigers on them. Which she did. And promptly put into her mouth. Then the nice young lady let Rosie play pirate. First with the right eye and then with the left. I never realized just how cute a baby can be with an eye patch.

Then, after determining that Rosebud has a tendency to be left handed (which we already suspected) the nice young lady put those lovely pupil dilating drops in Rosie's eyes and sent us off to wait for the doctor who took all of 5 minutes to look into those deep, dark pools, and tell me that everything looks just fine.

"Now, her pupils will be dilated all afternoon so try to avoid brightly lit places or going out in the car."

She had to be kidding me, right?

You see, it was Monday. I needed to restock the B&B after the weekend's insane binge eating by all and sundry. God forbid I didn't get more Cantal and crackers for Bubba-Love or Nutella for The Princess. I tried slipping my sunglasses on Rosebud's face to protect those little peepers as I ran through Simply Market but they ended up right where that tiger had been about an hour before.

In the car, I tried to cover the window but there are actually 8 others around her which made that attempt futile. Poor Rosie sat there, staring at me like one of those possessed ventriloquist dummies. It wouldn't have surprised me if she started blabbering in some incoherent tongue at that point, shouting obscenities in Russian with those big blank pupils drawing me into the void. Just when I was starting to get really freaked out, she closed her eyes and slept. And slept. And slept.

And when she woke up, she threw up all over me.

Rosebud's bébé vision. Just like being an extra in The Exorcist.

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